Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
how drunk are you?
Several
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
