We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
