I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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