i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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