It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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