drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
