I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
