apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
