so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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