Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize