So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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