I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
