I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
