so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
