the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
