Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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