Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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