You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
