the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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