we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
