you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
