I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
