yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
