I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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