Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
