Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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