Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
