Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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