my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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