I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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