You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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