I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
