i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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