Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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