Me too!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
