Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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