so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
