i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
