I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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