in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
