They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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