If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
