Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
