Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
