Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
