How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
