Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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