She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize