That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
