We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize