I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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