I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
