I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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