I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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