we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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