she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
