My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
