Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
