no, he came in my armpit
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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