Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
