Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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