you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
