im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
