u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
