What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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