Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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