"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize