im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
