I think my vagina is haunted
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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