I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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